to not care about much of anything anymore.
I only really seem to tolerate Parker, Mike, Kyle and a new friend.
I can see what all of my past girlfriends meant when they said "You've changed.".
It's troublesome, but I think it's because I have my eyes set on one goal.
It can't be fixed, I WILL get what I want, at whatever cost.
Memphis is making me more restless everyday, I'm starting to feel sore and I don't sleep hardly.
It might just be my insomnia getting worse, and my vision is too.
The only thing to do at this time is to stay the course and plan for something to happen; because I know it will.
No longer am I making plans for the future with others, I hardly spend any money on myself or anyone for that matter.
Reality has hit me hard, and I just now realize that I may never live in FL again or be close with my friends like I want to.
I just don't want to fade out; I want to reclaim my reputation I had in Lakeland as a nice, caring and relaxed guy.
I need help and I don't mean the Religious or personal kind.
Just something, anything.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
really couldn't
I don't update enough, oh well it's the price I pay to earn money.
Spoke to Sage today and realized he's a lot like me.
I was in his shoes at 17.
Not sure what to do, where to go, who to see.
I didn't think much of 'life' in general at that point, until I turned 18 and 3 weeks later got removed from my residence by my dad.
But Sage is almost in the same situation as me, he's living with his dad now in a far away state and city that he has to start over in.
He just has to realize that when life throws something at you and it flips the game up, you have to be ready to change with it.
I"m glad to say that while ending things in FL sucked I'm 150 times better off here in Memphis then there.
It's not a good thing to suddenly change, but I just hope the people I left behind understand that sometimes people have to make decisions they won't be happy about, but at the same time looks to have a promising outcome.
Learn to treasure what you have, be ready to release it and chase a totally opposite dream in a a matter of minutes though.
-Life.
Spoke to Sage today and realized he's a lot like me.
I was in his shoes at 17.
Not sure what to do, where to go, who to see.
I didn't think much of 'life' in general at that point, until I turned 18 and 3 weeks later got removed from my residence by my dad.
But Sage is almost in the same situation as me, he's living with his dad now in a far away state and city that he has to start over in.
He just has to realize that when life throws something at you and it flips the game up, you have to be ready to change with it.
I"m glad to say that while ending things in FL sucked I'm 150 times better off here in Memphis then there.
It's not a good thing to suddenly change, but I just hope the people I left behind understand that sometimes people have to make decisions they won't be happy about, but at the same time looks to have a promising outcome.
Learn to treasure what you have, be ready to release it and chase a totally opposite dream in a a matter of minutes though.
-Life.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Hmmm
(dated)May 11th, 2009
I almost died tonight.
The ghetto is too hectic for a guy like me.
People everywhere, crackheads, whores, the worst.
Sketchy people that make me want to have a gun on me all the time.
Nothing really happened to threaten my life, just that vibe.
You don't want to hear this at all, I know, it scares you almost more than it does me.
I happened to ride with my mom to the ghetto of Memphis, so she can collect on money/weed.
Riding through there made so much sense to me, yet didn't too.
In the 'good' sense: I know my little brother (who I've known for only 3 days) needs to get out of here, he can't grow up like me and my sister did, not ever. He deserves the best things there are in life.
In the 'bad' sense: It will take a long year to make that come true.
I know why I came here.
I've decided that I'm going to do everything in my *GOD*given-right to help my mom and sister raise this kid to be the best he can possibly be. He needs a male figure in his life; I think I must be it.
I almost broke down in tears, which I haven't done since I was 7 and had to be separated from my mom, when I came to realize this.
Such a big responsibility.
I always think of what his backup plan will be.
He has a dead-beat dad, and two women who barely even strive by themselves to lean on.
I'm going to be this pillar of strength for Jordan, I WILL give him everything I did not get.
Jordan Reese, this ones for you.
I almost died tonight.
The ghetto is too hectic for a guy like me.
People everywhere, crackheads, whores, the worst.
Sketchy people that make me want to have a gun on me all the time.
Nothing really happened to threaten my life, just that vibe.
You don't want to hear this at all, I know, it scares you almost more than it does me.
I happened to ride with my mom to the ghetto of Memphis, so she can collect on money/weed.
Riding through there made so much sense to me, yet didn't too.
In the 'good' sense: I know my little brother (who I've known for only 3 days) needs to get out of here, he can't grow up like me and my sister did, not ever. He deserves the best things there are in life.
In the 'bad' sense: It will take a long year to make that come true.
I know why I came here.
I've decided that I'm going to do everything in my *GOD*given-right to help my mom and sister raise this kid to be the best he can possibly be. He needs a male figure in his life; I think I must be it.
I almost broke down in tears, which I haven't done since I was 7 and had to be separated from my mom, when I came to realize this.
Such a big responsibility.
I always think of what his backup plan will be.
He has a dead-beat dad, and two women who barely even strive by themselves to lean on.
I'm going to be this pillar of strength for Jordan, I WILL give him everything I did not get.
Jordan Reese, this ones for you.
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